Personal creative accounting

I’m starting to write music again. I’ve got a growing collection of fragments that I’m stitching together with the goal of maybe getting some of it out in the world this year. I’ll tinker with it and battle with myself. This is how it goes. It’ll be out before it is ready to me but after it should be by most other accounts. In rebellion against myself, I’ll toy with putting it out today or tomorrow before my more reasonable side will take over and work to refine it. There are no real deadlines here so there’s no real need to rush. Except that at heart, I’m still a journalist and deadlines are what spur me so I’ll invent one. I’m doing enough with the music now though, and I’m excited enough about making music to talk about it and to feel reasonably confident that I’ll push something out this year. I wrote it down here so I guess I sort of have to follow through now.

As for what I’m making, I’m trying to layer different guitar parts and push myself with midi keyboard things I don’t usually do. I’ve played a lot of bass the past couple of years so I’m having fun writing bass lines now too. The music I create has to have a bit of wildness to it because that is how I’ve always played. I’m not a clean or technically precise guitar player. I always want to keep that edge to it, the feeling that it could very much go off the rails at any moment. Chaos takes time to organize.

Some time ago, I got this chip on my shoulder about being lazy. I did not want to be lazy. I did not want to be seen as lazy, more accurately. I’ve taken on an increasing number of things to counter that. Life is short, so perhaps I should fill my life up while I’m around! To that end, this year has a goal. All years do, even the years that don’t. Every day this year I want to do something creative or something physically active or better yet, do both. Creativity takes many forms so it could be that I cook a dish that is more involved and requires more thinking. Or it could be making music. Or taking photos. Or producing and editing videos. Or writing like I am right now. And I’m not going nuts on physical activity. Walks with some purpose will do. Just get moving is all.

I’ve been taking more photos. Most of the ones I think have something to say end up on Instagram Stories. I have my reservations about Instagram and who owns it (a truly terrible human being) but it’s also the easiest way for me to reach a lot of people in my life. The key is taking a photo with some intention behind it, some real thought, not just firing off a quick snap.

Here are some of the photos:

I’m still involved in community groups too. I’m on the City Plan Board, somehow the Chair again for a second year in a row. I’m honored and flattered to be re-elected Chair. I’m still involved with Gainesville is for People, our local YIMBY Action group that works to encourage more housing and better transportation in Gainesville. I still give money and a little bit of time to Community Spring to support their mission of economic justice. This year, I became a donor and active member of Awesome Gainesville, a chapter of the Awesome Foundation. Yes, these are real things! I know the name sounds fake. But we do good work! Every quarter, Awesome Gainesville goes through grant applications and decides to financially support a project that will in some way better our community. We provide a bit of seed money to help get that project off the ground. I probably didn’t need more things in my life, but I felt like I could pull it off.

I’m restless. I think I’m always restless these days. Life is short and at 43, I feel the time passing more than I did in the past. I thought that I should have a point in my life where I fully take advantage of my creative gifts. Truthfully, I’ve been afraid of myself and afraid of putting myself out there. I’m still afraid of putting myself out there but less so these days. I’m more afraid of not doing that. Now is that point.